.MAERD

Hello.

Its 3 am and I can't seem to sleep. I had an urge to make some music that I just had to put down but now I'm writing this blog aha. Stupid internet. I haven't blogged in a while so I thought this would be the perfect time to write. There is definitely a lot going on in my life at this moment. I have a lot of split decisions I must make which will determine my future. I mean of course whatever I choose will most likely lead me to where I am to be if it is God's will.

Where to start? Well in the subject of music since I'm making it right now and since it is the reason I am writing this blog lets start with that yeah? You see, my dream is to have a career in musical production. For artists, games, and maybe even in film scores. But being a Filipino there's always someone on your back about "there's no money in that" or "do something that can support a family" and the age old " why don't you be a nurse like your cousin?" aha. and while all that is good and valid reasons to not have a career in music, it just doesn't feel right to me.

I get into it with my parents all the time about me doing music and going to college. They want me to do something that makes money. POINT. PERIOD. BLANK. Even if they say follow your dreams. Its about the money. and that's totally understandable. They don't want me going through what they've gone through and to be honest, what they're going through right now. But what about my dreams? what about what I want to do? They try to urge me into doing auto mechanics and yeah I mean I like cars and all and I think it'd be fun to learn but I know that if I went on to a career in auto mechanics then I'd only be doing it cause it makes money. But what about money? I mean if I do go to school for music and finish it then who's to say that I won't make money?? I think I could do well. Not to be cocky but I love what I do and I believe in myself. It just seems as if no one else believes in me. If everyone believed I could do it then the option of going to school for auto mechanics would have never came.

So here's to you. My career in music is shot down. It's just a hobby now. When I'm making money as a mechanic then I'll have a hobby that once was a dream. And I think unless I do it full force then It'll stay a dream. I can always have music on the side right? I'll just have myself a small home studio cause if I could make it in the music industry then there would be no need to have a "back up plan." no need for this auto mechanics plan. It'll make everyone happy anyways. My parents will know I'm making good money and my family will know I'm well off and at least I'll know I can support my my family in the future.

Dreams are just monstrous false thoughts that make you feel better for the moment so just forget dreams. They hurt. They're meant to be destroyed. Go do something that makes good money and everyone will be happy. I promise.

Live monstrous.